Like Crazy?

Do you really make plans in your life, for your future? Do you try to estimate what you will be doing, not long only a few years ahead?

I did! Yesterday, I sat down and tried to see what I am going to be into for the next couple of years. Curious what I found out? Honestly, not much. Yet, it doesn't mean I will not be doing anything; there are so many outcomes for later future as well. Most annoying part is “I cannot be sure about any of my later future.” It actually gets me excited as well, as it might turn out to be better than my expectation. So, uncertainty is not that bad!

It is so obvious that I will be working like crazy like I have been doing for the last couple of years. Oh really? I cannot stop myself from asking; why? My first reason for my work; a quote from my Uncle Hamit:

“In this world, the amount of the health, respect, life, and peace is equal to the amount of the money you have.”

Am I a workaholic because I want to save money and save money, and save money? Do you really think that’s what I am? Unfortunately you haven’t got to know me yet, if you really think that’s what I am. I have a lot more than that. I agree that, this is what it looks like when you look at my life as an outsider. Yet, no. My lifespan is based on more than that. I am aware of the fact that, working and making money and saving money is not my key that will take me to happiness. But, money is the key and/or the tool that will take me to where I can find happiness at this point.

My second reason is another quote from my grandma, whom I never met in this life:

                “WORK, even if you know what you are going to make is going to be your enemy’s.”

Yes, I am not a lazy ass person who sits down and wait for someone feed me or take care of me. I have never been one, and I am not planning to be one too. I work, I even overwork to make sure I will maintain my life. I will not wait for the job I want find me. If I am not able to get what I actually want to do, then I will continue to work for it as at some point it will be mine as long as I do work for it. I might be working something that has nothing to do what I want to do; yet, is it a better idea not to do anything? Come on now, you will not get anything waiting there for it not doing anything for it.

My own reason:

I need it, for the plans I have in my mind. When I think about the projects in my mind, they even scare me. I am not the type of person who will get into debt for what he wants to do. Debt has been my nightmare and daycare for my entire life. I have learned not to get into debt from my father. Is my father so good at managing money that he taught me that? Hell no! He is the worst; I learned what NOT to do from my dad when it comes to money. He is a best dad ever for a child, but I would not want to deal with money the way he does. He basically does not stop being in debt; it bugs him.

I do not need millions; I only need enough to make me feel comfortable. I know what to do after, once I am at that comfortable level. I am currently working on the first step of my first project which I am planning to start in about two years’ time. Time is so fast, but I need it in order to get fully ready for what I want to do. I am preparing a website now. I never did that before. My relationship with computer has been limited to my assignments I prepared on my PC, internet use and basic computer skills. Once I prepared the project in my mind I realized I need a lot more than what I do with my PC. Many thanks to my dearest friends Resul Ekrem, Ugur, Ilker and my super cousin Tolga; they have enlightened me about where to start from. Once I complete the web design part, I will still get their ideas about how to improve the rest. They are my computer geniuses.

When this projects starts, I will be pursuing my education. I will be back in school to get my PhD. I might even start my PhD earlier, but at this point it doesn't seem to be possible because of my financial limits. Going to school in US is not same as in home. It is expensive, and once you are in school your school load does not let you work as much as you need to pay for your school. My friends back in Turkey sometimes ask my “why don’t you continue your education?” Man, it is easier said than it is done. Being successful is not the key to be in school in here; you really need money to be on your side.

Maybe after I start my PhD, I might try to have more of a normal life. Right now, I do not see myself anywhere close to my ambitions, so most of my life is work.

At this point, I have such a good ambition that it might even take me a lot further than I think to go. Here is what I want to do; many of my friends back in Turkey might be laughing at me because it would be so much simpler if I tried to do it in Turkey:

“I want to be a professor at a highly scaled institution; I even know where I want to be, but I will not write it here as I do not want to make anyone think –Elvan has gone crazy.”

In order to be an academician, you have to be in school, you have to be a graduate student or more. In order to be a student, you will need the money. In order to have the money you have to work. Right now, I am working to get to the point where I can start my project which will give me the chance to have enough outcomes to be able to become a student. See? Because I want to become a professor I will probably become rich at some point, but it is not actually what I want.

Money is just a tool for me to get to my ambition. So, please, do not think I am going crazy, doing nothing but work, work, work. I am working because I have an ambition; I believe it is going to happen and it will make me happy. I do not have much space in my life for too much more than my work as long as I am still on my way to my ambitions.

If you are curious about what I found out when I tried to see where I am going to be in my short term future, keep reading me. You will see where I am, just as I found when I thought about it.

Stay well, love your world. Being a lover is always better than being a hater.